Schedule for Thursday!

Received my schedule for Thursdays appointment.  A lot of back and forth between two buildings (google maps says its a 2 min walk outside), and the temperature is supposed to be in the teens that day.  Burrrr I better dress warm.  Its going to be a long day with the first thing starting at 8am and the last thing scheduled for 2 pm.  Plus I can not eat 4 hours before the CT angiogram, which is scheduled for 9:45 am.  That means no breakfast before hand I'll have to bring a banana for after or something.  Also, I think I have this blood pressure thing under control.  Just taking it at home makes me nervous a bit because I don't want it to be abnormal.  But within 5min I can lower my blood pressure by just relaxing and trying to get rid of my nerves.  It worked here at home so hopefully I can remember not to stress out on Thursday and it will all be okay.

Welp, off to enjoy my afternoon off because of the snow. :)  (schedule listed below for those interested)

Needing to relax

I hate my obsessive mind.  I keep thinking about this appointment next week and wondering if I am going to pass.  The weird Highish Blood Pressure I have been having at Dr. appointments lately is what has me most concerned.  I don't want to be ruled out for something that might not even exist.  It makes me really anxious!  But I get anxious about lots of things, think I am going to try and find a drop in Yoga class this weekend to try and relax.   I think I just need to get my mind off of it because I think about it too much (My brain likes to over analyze things way too much).  I've decided this process is kind of like breaking up with someone.  In a break up you try not to think about the person because it makes you sad so you need distractions, and with the evaluation to be a kidney donor you think about how you might fail the tests so much you need distractions.  (Swing Dancing Anyone? haha) 

Too Much Research?

So I think I have developed an addiction to reading Kidney Blogs now (most of which I have linked off to the right).  I read at least 3 donor blogs in their entirety, 1 recipient blog, and 1 blog that deals with both sides of the story!  I am just fascinated reading how this decision has effected other peoples lives and what they went through.  I should probably stop though because reading them makes me anxious and excited at the same time.  They make me eager to get t his process really started.  I can't wait to finish the tests and find out if I can actually do this.  I think that even though I have read about the pain and how hard it is to get back to normal after giving up your kidney, reading everyone's story has really confirmed for me that this is what I want to do.

I have noticed a few things though between the donor and recipient blogs.  It seems there are more donor blogs then recipient ones.  I think this is because for donors this is an elective surgery and they are eager to get information.  When they don't find all of the information they want they start a blog so that the information they didn't find is now available for other potential donors.  This is different then recipients because normally for the recipient getting a transplant is their only option, because of this they accept it without doing as much research, prompting less blogging (at least this is the case for Dave and I, I don't think he has ever entered the words Kidney Transplant into google).  Or if they are researching there are a lot of websites that talk about the process for the recipient and it seems there are less for the donor which might also be why there is this unevenness in blogs.  I have also noticed the donors seem to feel worse of the surgery despite having the smaller incision.  After thinking about it this makes a lot of sense though assuming the donated kidney is accepted by the recipient with minimal complications.  The recipient is going from almost no kidney function to one full kidney functioning meaning they have more energy because their blood is being filtered easier then it was before the transplant.  For the donor they go from having 2 healthy kidneys to 1 kidney so they are going to be more tired.  Fun reading.

For the most part it seems the worst part of being the donor is wanting to go back to doing everything you are used to too soon.  I know that will probably be a problem for me, I like to be way too independent.  The fatigue is definitely probably the second worst because it seems you are tired all the time and for some people this may last 2 weeks and for others a lot longer so I don't know if there is a way to prepare because I don't know how it will effect me.

I also realized that if I give my kidney to Dave how will we ever do laundry?  Lifting a heavy laundry basket and carrying it down 2 flights of stairs is a definite no I'm assuming for both donor and recipient for awhile.  haha all the clothes move to the basement?

Other Blogs

This isn't much of a real post, but I have been spending a lot of time reading other blogs written by kidney donors, because of this I have decided to link them off to the right so that way if anyone is interested they can read them too.  This way if my mom reads this she can see what is upcoming for me maybe (as well as anyone else that wants to know) and if any potential donors find this blog they can find more like it easily.

Possibilities

This weekend driving to the Hershey Bears game with my parents my mom asked me if I had thought about how I would feel if I donate my kidney and it rejects, and I have.   This has prompted me to write down the possible scenarios and how I feel about them.

1. I'm Unable to Donate- This is a real possibility and probably my biggest anxiety right now.  I am the type of person who when they decide to do something they go at it with their all, and this is something where no matter how much I want to donate my body and health might not allow that.  I feel healthy but how do I know I even have 2 kidneys? So if I am unable to donate I know I will be sad and probably a bit upset but I know that it is something I do not have control over so I will just have to go with the flow and hope it all works out and post stuff all over the internet to get Dave a kidney
2. I Donate, Kidney Works- This would be the ideal solution.  This would make me very happy!  knowing that I have the possibility of making Dave's life better (and maybe saving him from the fistula he loves to talk about) is a great thing.  It makes me smile just thinking about it.  The only negative here would be if we broke up afterwards, but I do not see that happening any time soon.  Also, if we did break up for some unforeseen reason I think that I would be okay with him having my kidney.  I believe things happen for a reason so if he receives my kidney and we break up then at least I was able to help someone in need.
3. I Donate, Kidney Works for a Limited Time- By a limited time I mean a few years.  The average living donor kidney can last 20+ years.  This being the case if I give Dave my Kidney and in 7-8 years or less he needs a new one I would be sad then because my kidney will not have lasted as long as I would hope for him.  I feel that overall I would just once again realize there is nothing I could do to fix this and be happy he at least had those few years off of dialysis.  
4. I Donate, Kidney Rejects Right Away- This would be horrible, not only would it be sad it didn't work, it would also suck that both Dave and I had to be cut into to figure that out.  In this scenario Dave is not only still on dialysis but he and I would have just both had a pointless surgery.  I think I would be angry for awhile, in the end though I feel that its something I can come to terms with and move on from.  

So the overall Idea I have with all the outcomes is what happens is going to happen and if I don't try for fear of it not working or having negative side effects to my health then I think I would be letting myself down.  I do not know what is going to happen but I do have a lot of facts and have read a lot of stories and I feel it is better for me to try then to not try at all knowing that there are a lot of successful living kidney donations that happen.  I have read more positive feedback then negative on how people feel after the donation, no matter what the outcome.  Plus I feel Dave and I both have a great support system that includes lots of family and friends to be there if things go good or bad.

EDIT: This conversation came up on the way to the bears game where I was picked out of 9,555 people to win a subway gift card, maybe luck is on our side?