Possibilities

This weekend driving to the Hershey Bears game with my parents my mom asked me if I had thought about how I would feel if I donate my kidney and it rejects, and I have.   This has prompted me to write down the possible scenarios and how I feel about them.

1. I'm Unable to Donate- This is a real possibility and probably my biggest anxiety right now.  I am the type of person who when they decide to do something they go at it with their all, and this is something where no matter how much I want to donate my body and health might not allow that.  I feel healthy but how do I know I even have 2 kidneys? So if I am unable to donate I know I will be sad and probably a bit upset but I know that it is something I do not have control over so I will just have to go with the flow and hope it all works out and post stuff all over the internet to get Dave a kidney
2. I Donate, Kidney Works- This would be the ideal solution.  This would make me very happy!  knowing that I have the possibility of making Dave's life better (and maybe saving him from the fistula he loves to talk about) is a great thing.  It makes me smile just thinking about it.  The only negative here would be if we broke up afterwards, but I do not see that happening any time soon.  Also, if we did break up for some unforeseen reason I think that I would be okay with him having my kidney.  I believe things happen for a reason so if he receives my kidney and we break up then at least I was able to help someone in need.
3. I Donate, Kidney Works for a Limited Time- By a limited time I mean a few years.  The average living donor kidney can last 20+ years.  This being the case if I give Dave my Kidney and in 7-8 years or less he needs a new one I would be sad then because my kidney will not have lasted as long as I would hope for him.  I feel that overall I would just once again realize there is nothing I could do to fix this and be happy he at least had those few years off of dialysis.  
4. I Donate, Kidney Rejects Right Away- This would be horrible, not only would it be sad it didn't work, it would also suck that both Dave and I had to be cut into to figure that out.  In this scenario Dave is not only still on dialysis but he and I would have just both had a pointless surgery.  I think I would be angry for awhile, in the end though I feel that its something I can come to terms with and move on from.  

So the overall Idea I have with all the outcomes is what happens is going to happen and if I don't try for fear of it not working or having negative side effects to my health then I think I would be letting myself down.  I do not know what is going to happen but I do have a lot of facts and have read a lot of stories and I feel it is better for me to try then to not try at all knowing that there are a lot of successful living kidney donations that happen.  I have read more positive feedback then negative on how people feel after the donation, no matter what the outcome.  Plus I feel Dave and I both have a great support system that includes lots of family and friends to be there if things go good or bad.

EDIT: This conversation came up on the way to the bears game where I was picked out of 9,555 people to win a subway gift card, maybe luck is on our side?

Dealing with a Needle phobic Recepiant

Right now as I wait for a day when I will be home continuously to do the 24hour urine culture (don't want to be traveling around town that day), which is hard during the holidays my constant battle is dealing with my boyfriend who is needle phobic to the extreme.  This is why he cringes every time the word fistula is mentioned.

He currently needs to get more blood work done for the UMMC to be put on their list.  At Hopkins this was all done on they day of his appointment meaning he was super nervous, shaky, anxious, fainty once and it was over.  At UMMC they did the blood type and tissue typing blood test at his appointment, which was one stick, and said due to insurance purposes he needed to go to Lab Corp to get the rest done.  This leaves me the mission of getting him to lab corp.

This mission/quest if I chose to take it (and not just convince his mom to do it) will be very difficult.  When ever I mention blood work or lab corp he gets quiet and tenses up.  His fear is real if irrational.  I tried to bribe him with breakfast out and an early Christmas present last Saturday if he went (you see lab corp is only open in the morning Saturdays or normal work hours M-F).  This failed because I have no will when he looks so sad.  His whole demeanor changes when he may be stuck by a needle.  I don't know how to convince him to go?  Maybe after the Holidays I shall try again.

If anyone reads this any hints or ideas would be greatly appreciated!  Its like trying to get a child to get a shot, he knows the fear he has is irrational he just does not know how to get over it.  At UMMC I had to basically hold him in his seat for the phebotomist to be able to stick him without him moving away.

So this is my daily struggle with him.  I won't be able to be much of a donor for him if he doesn't meet his requirements.

I don't know how often I am going to update this, but I think just as I become inspired to write about something I will update.  It may be sporadic but I hope to cover a lot in this blog.  Its good to get all my thoughts and ideas out in the open for me to really think about.