Other Peoples Concerns.

I just wanted to comment on other peoples concerns and discuss how some have made me feel.  I think that although this is a public blog it is also a place for me to write out my feelings and my concerns about this process.  This meaning there may be some statements made here that people might not like, but this blog is so people know the truth about the donation process and sugar coating how things can make you feel, and how relationships can be affected would not be beneficial to me understanding how I feel or to anyone else who may stumble across this blog in the future who may be looking into living kidney donation.

First off when it comes to other peoples concerns I am willing to listen to all of them, this is a big decision and I would appreciate the opinions of the people that care about me.  This being said I do wish people would think about what they are saying and how they are saying it before they talk to me.  This is mostly because Wednesday night my dad called me to tell me he did not like my decision to donate at all.  He was worried about the things I can not do with one kidney, and "other things".  I just said okay to most of it knowing he probably hadn't done the research I have.  The conversation ended with him basically not wishing me luck for my full day of testing.  (I guess this sort of means he was wishing me to be unhealthy without realizing it?)  The way he said everything also made me feel like he thought I was wrong, hadn't thought about it enough, and was just doing it for my boyfriend without thinking about what may or may not happen in the future.  It really hurt.  I was upset, stressed out, and anxious afterwards.  It did not make me any less sure about my decision it just made me sad that someone I cared about disapproved of what I was doing so much without taking the time to have a real conversation with me about it, or look into it on his own.  I respect his opinion and I know how my dad acts and I should have expected this.  He does not like medical things and was a wreck when my mom was in the hospital 2 years ago.  He also worries a lot, and so do I sometimes so his worrying to me does not help the situation.  He did call me on Saturday though to tell me he didn't mean to upset me and he will support me even if he doesn't like it.  This is a step to him truly accepting my choice and I appreciate that he is at least trying. I think my mom talked to him a bit after coming with me to my apt. and hearing me talk about how he approached the subject with me.  But we will just have to wait and see how the future unfolds with this...

My mom as I said also is concerned about it but she trusts me and understands that I did not just spontaneously make this decision.

I also think most of my friends support me, or at least it seems that way so that is good.

Also the other general argument against me donating is that Dave and I are not related/family.  This argument is kind of invalid because, as my friends and I discussed Saturday, friends are the family you choose.  Dave and I are very close and I don't expect that to change.  I think that if anything this will bring us closer because we will have all the time together after Dave is done with Dialysis and one less stress in our lives.

Okay so if you are reading this and have comments or concerns about it, I invite you to leave them in the comments so I can respond to them!  This way everyone is learning together about everything!  

Possibilities

This weekend driving to the Hershey Bears game with my parents my mom asked me if I had thought about how I would feel if I donate my kidney and it rejects, and I have.   This has prompted me to write down the possible scenarios and how I feel about them.

1. I'm Unable to Donate- This is a real possibility and probably my biggest anxiety right now.  I am the type of person who when they decide to do something they go at it with their all, and this is something where no matter how much I want to donate my body and health might not allow that.  I feel healthy but how do I know I even have 2 kidneys? So if I am unable to donate I know I will be sad and probably a bit upset but I know that it is something I do not have control over so I will just have to go with the flow and hope it all works out and post stuff all over the internet to get Dave a kidney
2. I Donate, Kidney Works- This would be the ideal solution.  This would make me very happy!  knowing that I have the possibility of making Dave's life better (and maybe saving him from the fistula he loves to talk about) is a great thing.  It makes me smile just thinking about it.  The only negative here would be if we broke up afterwards, but I do not see that happening any time soon.  Also, if we did break up for some unforeseen reason I think that I would be okay with him having my kidney.  I believe things happen for a reason so if he receives my kidney and we break up then at least I was able to help someone in need.
3. I Donate, Kidney Works for a Limited Time- By a limited time I mean a few years.  The average living donor kidney can last 20+ years.  This being the case if I give Dave my Kidney and in 7-8 years or less he needs a new one I would be sad then because my kidney will not have lasted as long as I would hope for him.  I feel that overall I would just once again realize there is nothing I could do to fix this and be happy he at least had those few years off of dialysis.  
4. I Donate, Kidney Rejects Right Away- This would be horrible, not only would it be sad it didn't work, it would also suck that both Dave and I had to be cut into to figure that out.  In this scenario Dave is not only still on dialysis but he and I would have just both had a pointless surgery.  I think I would be angry for awhile, in the end though I feel that its something I can come to terms with and move on from.  

So the overall Idea I have with all the outcomes is what happens is going to happen and if I don't try for fear of it not working or having negative side effects to my health then I think I would be letting myself down.  I do not know what is going to happen but I do have a lot of facts and have read a lot of stories and I feel it is better for me to try then to not try at all knowing that there are a lot of successful living kidney donations that happen.  I have read more positive feedback then negative on how people feel after the donation, no matter what the outcome.  Plus I feel Dave and I both have a great support system that includes lots of family and friends to be there if things go good or bad.

EDIT: This conversation came up on the way to the bears game where I was picked out of 9,555 people to win a subway gift card, maybe luck is on our side?